Motivating The Self

I’m going in. I’m doing it. After a long custody battle between the generic life and the artist life, I’ve decided to let them both win.


For the past year or so, the generic life has been winning (go to school, work, get good grades, be presentable and act right).  Dear lord that sounds boring.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE it. I’m a complete nerd and love using my brain. But I’m so much more.

With my choice to give my inner artist more time,  there comes commitment that must start now.

Welcome Abigail.

To start, I’m establishing a whole new social media account for her, of which, I’m not sharing here. Not yet, at least.

She’s weird, freaky, makes funny faces and might even make her booty pop here and there.

I’m beyond excited for this, to show the world the other amazing potential I have that I’ve kept hidden and suppressed for too long.

I’m an entertainer, a performer, and I’m damn good at it.

Out of season? Eh, yeah, but I still got it and a whole lot more.


Scrambles, part two

It has nothing to do with part one. Scrambles is just once again, a fitting metaphor for my life and how my mind navigates it.

After three months of feeling lost, unmotivated, and sometimes depressed, I’m pulling myself back together. Slowly, of course.

Unfortunately, a couple good days doesn’t mean it’s all better and I’m back to feeling enthusiastic about living again, no. But it’s a reminder of what’s possible.

One of my biggest downfalls in trying to pull my life together is the constant anticipation of things and right now, I have quite a transition coming up.

I’m anticipating packing, moving, and visiting my family in Erie. In addition to these, my goal is to get stable work before the Fall semester begins.


In one month from today I return from Erie and honestly, I want it to be over. I am beyond excited for the two weeks when I return to adjust to my new living situation and (hopefully) stable jobs before classes begin.

It’s hard to remain happy and enthusiastic when all you can focus on is an upcoming transition. I want to appreciate every moment, but it’s hard with a mind that anticipates life whether or not anything significant is coming up.

I’m naturally an anxious person, so with what I’m looking at now, all my mind wants to do is think about it, dread it, and re-live imaginary future scenarios and possibilities.

It’s an annoying way to live. Everything always seems to work out for me in the end, life’s got my back.

Yet, I waste my time worrying about it anyways.


Movin’ Out and Movin’ On

I can say I’ve gotten it together a bit. I’ve had time to process my choices and the new route I’m going on for the next year and a half. Now I’m figuring out how to move forward.

In addition to the longer-term change I’ve made, I have a shorter lived change coming up soon, too. I’m moving.

It’s kind of exciting. This is my first real move I’ve made on my own. I’m not going far, just to another part of Philadelphia, closer to the university.

I’ll miss my roommates, the kitties, and my neighborhood. West Philly is awesome, it has so much (various grocery stores, beer stores, Halal spots, pizza shops, etc). I need to stop reminding myself, I’ve been peeling off this band-aid slowly and painfully.

On the other hand, I definitely won’t miss my commute. Saving time, money, my sanity and energy?! It can’t be beat.

I’ll be in my home for only thirty more days -wow- that’s weird to write.

It’s been difficult to adjust being back. I’m dropping to quarter time, preparing to move, and searching for work and new ways to creatively stretch myself into the next semester.


Clownin’ with Happy Is, photo by Jason Mahaffey

Like they say, there’s no rainbow without rain.

This next chapter is one I’m looking forward to.