Off my rocker, again.

yeah

Human sandwich featuring Kat, Kyle and I. Photo by Redlite photos

It’s been awhile since I’ve made any seemingly drastic choices or life decisions.

But how can life be fun if you chose not to take them? One can breath freely knowing they’re doing what is right for them regardless of what everyone else thinks. It took me some time to figure it out, but I have made my “drastic” decision which in reality, is really no big deal.

I thought I was on my way to graduate college in May of 2018. It looks like that will be happening in the Fall of 2018 instead. My decision isn’t final, but the thought of slamming my face in books for the next year and attending to no other aspects of my being is scary.

I”m afraid I’ll graduate and have no idea who I even am.

I’ve decided to drop to three-quarter time for the next three semesters. I want more time to make money and more time to pursue creative endeavors. And be a weirdo.

I’m not sure where it will lead, but I know if I continue to accept the suppression of my creativity, I always will. Fuck that.

 

 

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Finding Motivation while Lost

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When you feel figuratively lost, motivation is hard to create. This is how I’ve felt ever since I got home from South Africa.

I can’t tell if it’s because the past month was so ‘go-go-go’ and now I’m crashing (going into day six now) or if the feeling of having no idea what I’m doing in life is why. I feel lost.

I had one week to transition back to normal, but what is that and why do I want it? I only want normal because it makes sense, but perhaps I’m onto a new normal in my mind that isn’t exactly aligning with who I’ve been this past year.

I want to be weirder and stop fitting into this box my University has molded me to be in. It’s not them, it’s me. I molded into that box, that stereotypical box per say. I can be smart and weird, yeah?

Yeah.

Another Trip in the Books

I just spent a month in South Africa I’m finding it a bit hard to believe, everything that has happened. It all happened so fast.

This time traveling was different than in the past. It always is obviously when your goal is to go somewhere new every time. There were two other conditions that really made this one different though: it was a school program and I was with the same ten people for an entire month.

My comment on the first is that I will probably never have a similar experience again. The month of studying abroad and within a set program sets it apart. It went against the grain of my prior traveling experience (I had to act less dumb, if something happened, it was my university who would have an issue on their hands).

It was a unique experience to because it was for journalism despite the fact I’m not in the major. I will always appreciate how I got to see their work executed although I also now question how they are taught. Perhaps I’ve taken too many sociology courses (if that’s possible).

Next up, being with the same people for an entire month. Jesus. As it comes to the last day, I look back and think of the experience and it feels like nothing. Although I did have my moments when I needed my own space and to not feel like I was being spoken for, these feelings have faded to nothing.

I will say I felt it did have an affect on my method of traveling too. I’m so much more used to be surrounded by locals and hanging with them. Sometimes it felt hard to break that mentality of having to spend time with those you came with. Like no, you don’t.

In the last few nights I’ve been here I’m finally breaking out and hanging around more locals than my own. Of course, tomorrow, I am leaving.

Goodbye South Africa. I look forward to getting home and getting into a headspace where I can truly reflect on these experiences more and return back to my own state of independence.

When The Travel Bug Loosens Its Grip

I can’t completely say how it ends, but hopefully it ends happy.

I’ve been in South Africa for the three weeks now and return to the United States in another week from now.

I’ve loved traveling ever since I started visiting the Philippines to visit my Dad in 2014. It was some crazy shit to me, to be in a country where life was flipped upside down. It wasn’t like connecting with someone from a different culture in Philadelphia, it was living in that culture 24/7.

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Since, I’ve visited twice more, drove cross country in the United States, and traveled to Singapore, Japan. Mexico, France, Iceland, the United Kingdom and am currently in South Africa.

There’s nothing more exciting than planning a trip, hopping on the plane, and awaiting what will happen next.

For me though, what happened next gave the travel bug permission to loosen it’s grip on me. What. The. Fuck.

It’s a weird feeling, scary even.

Is it the constant touring, the scheduled lifestyle, being around the same people each and every day, or the fact that I just don’t jive with South African culture (I take it back in regards to art and music).

I can’t say what it is exactly, but then again, traveling always teaches us, and this question in itself is worth learning from.

 

 

Finding Purpose in Writing

I write a lot. I write in a journal, I write papers, I write articles, I write statuses, captions, blog entries and emails.  I write for myself and purposes not for myself. Yet when it comes to writing for myself and others at the same time, I get lost.

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I see myself as someone who will create my career. I see my writing abilities playing a role in that and can’t pin point how I’ll do it for shit. All I know is I have one year of college left and I’d like to figure it out at least a bit before I graduate.

This is why I have this blog.

Mind you I may completely forget about this blog for three months directly after I publish this post. I pray not. I want to like my blog, I want to want this and it always appears temporary.

Oh well, I’m here again to give it another go.